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May 1, 2011

This weekend has, in some ways, been fabulous. I haven’t had to deal with people and I’ve got to do what I want (keys escapade aside). But the thing is, that tomorrow at work people will ask me what I did at the weekend, I will tell them and they will judge me for not having been out clubbing or having met up with anyone etc. But the thing is, that I haven’t really had the energy to, and only having to count on myself has meant I’ve been able to go about my business in a relaxed manner and am therefore feeling a little bit less exhaused (Expiry date tomorrow morning 6am – suddenly my energy will all have disappeared!). I wouldn’t want to be alone forever, indeed human contact is good. But the people I enjoy being with have all been away this weekend, so in a way it’s not like I had a choice to do things with people. Sometimes I need some down time, some alone time. And that’s what I’ve got. Apart from the fear of going out and people seeing me sitting in a café alone and laughing at me. That’s why I’ve avoided going sun bathing by the river – because another girl goes on her own and they all make comments behind her back. Some people here are really not nice, so that’s why I choose not to hang around with them; they are the people I was referencing in my last post. Of course, there are some very nice people here, but the ones I see day in day out are not so nice, which taint my view.

I’m feeling a bit better than I was on Friday night, I really am. I haven’t had this time for R&R in a while – people assume that because I went home I was relaxing – but in fact I spent every day I was home running around getting this sorted and seeing people. It was lovely, but not relaxing in the energy recuperation sense.

I’m sitting in my room, window open with a light breeze coming in, in near silence – I can hear some children screaming, some planes and some cars, but that is it. There is nothing else I would rather be doing right now. Especially not guzzling beer to make others happy.

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