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And then, you just give up

October 23, 2010

At the start, you pretend nothing’s wrong; you wash, brush your hair before going out, clean up.

Then over time it wears you down, and these things just fall by the wayside. It becomes commonplace to not brush your hair, to clean up or to make sure you regularly wash your clothes.

It wears you down, until one day, you just stop. What’s instilled in you since you were young has been unravelled to the extent that you don’t consider what you should be doing before you leave the house. Just leaving the house is hard enough.

All of this, it wears you down. And then what?

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. October 23, 2010 8:07 pm

    Un kilomètre à pied ça use, ça use,
    Un kilomètre à pied ça use les souliers.

    Deux kilomètres à pied…

  2. October 26, 2010 1:31 am

    I’ve said this to you before, when will you listen? http://www.batistehair.co.uk/

    • October 26, 2010 6:31 am

      can my excuse be that they don’t sell it over here, so I’m waiting for my parents to bring it over?!

  3. October 30, 2010 12:48 pm

    **hugs and tea to you**

  4. November 10, 2010 6:38 pm

    Urgh; revolting – I totally concur and understand.

    I haven’t written about it, but my blog is called bipolarity and brushing your teeth. There’s a reason for this: when I stop brushing my teeth, it’s because I’m getting ill. I also stop brushing my hair, wanting to wash (myself and my clothes), I want to eat copiously but am too afraid to leave the house. I slow down, and can’t read, write or listen to anything for long periods. And that nothing you talk about? That hideous gaping nothing. No-one really understands that this void of emotion and action in life is the most awful and damaging aspect of mental illness. It really is like the dementors have made a visit to your house and sucked up every scrap of will and care you ever had. And it happens so easily.

    I really appreciate your blog and will add it to my blog roll. Sounds like you are in Germany or elsewhere German speaking: what’s the mental healthcare like there? If you’ve only been ill there, I don’t recommend NHS – they’ve been utter crap. I identify strongly with waiting for the MHS to get back to you… It’s almost like they are just pushing me to off myself while they get themselves sorted out… such a bollocks way to treat anyone depressed or manic.

    You can catch me on my own blog at http://bipolarityandbrushingyourteeth.blogspot.com. I mainly write about my trip down bipolar lane, mental health issues, politics, benefits, discrimination, medication (a pet hate) and psychotherapy.

    Get in touch and keep writing: it’s a really important lifeline.

    X Clarissa

    • November 10, 2010 7:22 pm

      Hi!
      I’m actually English, but I’m living in Germany this year. The closest to the German system I’ve been is going to the docs for more meds and them wanting to refer me to a neurologist but not actually wanting to. I have a vague idea though, but it’s very different from the NHS I think!

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