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Tinted by mentalness

August 26, 2010

One of the other people from my course has just moved to Frankfurt and is asking how I found settling in. But the problem is that with many questions, the honest aswer would be something I wouldn’t want to admit to.

How was it when you moved here?”

“very stressful, but I just bumbled around like a busy bee until my mum left, then I felt empty, depressed and didn’t eat properly for an age; the feeling still hasn’t left yet”

I feel completely apathetic towards it all – I know I have to do it, so I just get on with it. Not feeling anything other than sadness all the time can be quite draining but I can’t do anything about it. See, that answer is just a bit too personal for people I don’t know very, very well. (It’s also quite shit when you learn they got the same year average as you, but didn’t attend half the lectures or put in as much work as you did, yet they can’t actually talk German socially).

On the subject of food or clothes, people say you’re being too harsh then you tell them you can’t bear to look in the mirror because of how fat you are; they just don’t understand what it can feel like.

But I can’t think of what I would say – those are my real, live responses. I normally pass off settling in as having been okay, because I’m not too much of a homebird, I really am so apathetic and I couldn’t go home anyway, as everyone’s now spread out.

I am adapting, slowly but surely. I’m now at a point of confusion when people say they went shopping on a Sunday, as that isn’t a possibility here. I’m feeling a lot more positive after having spoken to uni on Tuesday; not just about what happened on Monday but about things in general. I can join clubs, this other guy from uni is now here… so it won’t be too bad.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. August 27, 2010 1:22 am

    Can I just say how impressed I am that you are keeping going, keeping doing? It’s hard when you can’t be honest with the people around you – but hopefully you can at least tell the bloggy world. I struggle with travelling even without the added layer of another language! Hope you start to find some little bits of not-sad sneaking in…

  2. August 27, 2010 8:49 am

    Personally I think it’s amazing … and that you are too!

    I’d love to add you to my blogroll if that’s ok? I’ve got a private blog if you could send me your WP username and I’ll let you in!

    x

    • August 27, 2010 4:26 pm

      Hey, of course you can… I’ll email you on your comments email with my username x

      • August 27, 2010 5:14 pm

        Fantastic ~ look forward to receiving it and adding you! x

  3. August 28, 2010 2:32 pm

    I think you’re doing amazing, especially given that even without MH problems, moving to a different country, with a different language/customs/having to meet new people would be a huge adjustment. It does sound like you’re now “over the hump” so’s to speak with regards settling in, so hopefully things will get a lot easier (and no doubt by the time the year is over you won’t want to leave 🙂 ).

    Take care,
    Differently

    • August 31, 2010 5:50 pm

      Hmm, maybe! That’ll be hard in itself, the adjustment back to the UK!

  4. August 31, 2010 12:24 pm

    It can be hard putting up a front to the other interns like that, so it’s good that you can at least be honest here.

    xx

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