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Hinty hint hint?

August 22, 2010

On the train home the other day, a subject of casual conversation was brought up: how if you get ready quickly in a morning, you feel crap for the rest of the day. Everyone agreed, I said nothing, and everyone stared at me. Now knowing how they behave, this may have been a hint; I wouldn’t put it past them. Generally in a morning I don’t brush my hair until I’m at least at the train station, and I most certainly don’t style it; I don’t have the time or interest. So that could be something they’ve noticed. But, to be quite honest, I don’t want to brush my hair and style it in the vicinity of a mirror – those bloody things make me want to cry (as an aside, something about mirrors was talked about yesterday and I said that I hate them, they make me want to cry, and the other girl said that was a bit strong. Sadly not. And I suppose to some people this hate is an alien concept; we were at a modelling thing for her after all…).I could do it, obviously, but right now it’s an avoidance tactic to try and get myself away from something that will inevitably make me feel bad.

At uni, I can mainly avoid the full blown technicolour detailled offence, but here and at home there’s no escaping it. I hope it isn’t too noticeabe, but what else could I do? Make up? Well I’ll look dire with or without, so there’s no point wasting time on it.  Some people like it, some people don’t, and I’m one of those that don’t.

Sorry NHS, any progress I’ve made has gone down the drain.


Since I wrote this, I’ve been considering things a bit more. Maybe trying a bit more. Not that it’s paid off, I’m getting left off invites, not being invited to things and I’ve had enough. What am I doing wrong? Also, the fear that anyone who can bitch about someone else, can also bitch about you. What is being said about me? I’d rather know than not…

4 Comments leave one →
  1. August 22, 2010 8:30 pm

    Do you remember this? =)

    Sadly, there is some truth to it. People will always judge you by your appearance first. And now that you’re working in an office environment your appearance is more important than it was at uni.

    Bitching is hard to deal with, but most of us do it. God knows, I do and then I feel guilty about it. But I think (hope) that with most women (and some men) it’s mostly idle gossip, without any malevolence. I once heard my old boss bitching about me with another co-worker, calling me “the office in-joke” (I don’t know why.) You can bet it didn’t feel good, but it’s just part of office life *shrugs* It means that people are bored and need more interesting things to talk about, not that everyone hates you (I hope.)

    ((BIG HUGS))

    • August 22, 2010 8:45 pm

      I don’t remember that cartoon… I know C (another intern) gets bitched about a lot about her clothing, (well about everything she does) but mine… I’m vaguely in trend. I make sure I look smart, wear appropriate clothing… sadly no-one but these 2 fucking people make me feel so insecure about myself. Socially, it’s the same. And I always look decent. Not dishevelled… I don’t know what else I could do, honestly.

      Thanks Miss La, xx

  2. August 22, 2010 10:08 pm

    unfortunately people do operate on a very shallow…basis. But do what you need to do to take are of YOURSELF. that’s the most important thing…i know that probably wasn’t any legit help at all…

    but hang in there

    • August 23, 2010 4:42 am

      It’s definitely true though, I need to look after myself, and try not to get too down with what they think of me!

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