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Breaking the bridges

July 10, 2010

I’m here, I’m alive. I had no internet in my new place. I’ll hopefully post some pictures this weekend, after I’ve tidied up and stuff.

Work is going okay – I seem to get through things too quickly, which always surprises my boss! But that’s just me, and hopefully I’m doing it right!

I’m still mainly hanging out with english colleagues, which I’m hoping to break away from sometime soon; I don’t want to spend my whole year speaking english socially! Plus my flatmate is German but has lived in England for 6 years, so we speak english together anyway.

My main problem is: That sinking, heavy heart feeling is returning. And I just want it to stay away, surely I deserve some break? I don’t want everything to fall apart again, it simply cannot. But I’m scared it will; contingency plans are running through my head, but I want this to be over. To be considering coming off meds, not scared I’m spiralling. I’m thinking I might come off them to avoid the doctors.

I want to hide away.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 11, 2010 1:27 am

    Hey, glad to hear work is going ok and I really hope the sinking heavy feeling turns right around and goes away fast. And I’m sorry you want to hide away, what are your contingency plans? I hope things don’t get any worse but if they do, what do you think you should do?

    As usual apologies for never being around, I’ve become terrible at blogging and it hasn’t helped that my house has no internet so I only get internet when I come home for a night at the weekend! Anyway, hope things turn around x

    • July 11, 2010 11:54 am

      Hey,
      Don’t worry about it, I’ve only just got internet properly after being here 3 weeks!
      Contingency plans as of yet are nil, even considering coming off the meds so I don’t have to deal with a doctor and the medical system (=getting medical insurance and blah). I haven’t even a clue, which isn’t good… the uni advice books didn’t cover this!

      Thanks, and hope you’re okay x

  2. July 12, 2010 1:00 pm

    I am glad things have been going okay. I’ve been wondering how you were getting on.

    I hope the sinking feeling passes too. I don’t think giving up your meds is a good idea, even if it does avoid the complications of seeing doctors over there. There must be someone out there that can help you navigate things?

    • July 12, 2010 7:52 pm

      I don’t know if there is, as ideally I’d like to give as little away about things. I guess I could always ask my placement tutor, if push came to shove! I have heard that you can use your EHIC card at state doctors, but it all seems to be going above my head!

      Alas, I have another two months or so to worry about it…

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