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March 9, 2010

It has all drained away. And by that I mean energy, will and fight.

We’ve been talking in therapy about this, how it’s going to lead to something bad. We worked out the ways in which I’m being pulled, and what’s most important to me- predominently uni work. Then what I think is going wrong: too much time not doing the uni work, as I’m either out or sleeping, and when I get time to do work, I fall asleep anyway. So, I need to stand my ground more and not cave. I’m a sucker when it comes to being asked, especially by my girlfriend; I don’t want to upset, so I say ‘yeah, course’ and then do that instead of work. But this needs to stop/decrease. Weather the storm and her emotional blackmail on me to see her. As everything is dragging me down, I need to start coming back up.

But I don’t know how. I currently have so little energy and enthusiasm that I just don’t care anymore; I don’t care about the environment or the society I chair, about getting work done, about others… I want to hide away. The world feels too much, I’m doing too much and just not coping with it all. And then it becomes a cycle. I can’t be bothered to shop properly for food, so I eat rubbish, which then doesn’t help me either. There’s just no time anymore, I don’t know where it goes. It’s all mapped out, but then it gets to friday and I wonder what’s happened… and what has? I honestly cannot answer that question, time just…goes…

Must keep going, must keep going…

8 Comments leave one →
  1. March 10, 2010 1:11 pm

    *hugs* take care of yourself honey. You can only do so much xx

  2. March 10, 2010 7:05 pm

    Take care of yoruself. Am I right to understand your girlfriend is nagging you to go out when you lack energy? I can see how that would make it hard fo ryou to refuse, but you need to be minding your own energy level, too. I hope you will be able to get some uni work done anyway.

  3. March 11, 2010 12:53 am

    Sending hugs, don’t stress too much, as intothesystem said you can only do so much. Just take care of yourself, that’s the most important xx

  4. March 13, 2010 9:53 pm

    sorry to hear you’re de-energized. I know the feeling and I hope it eases off soon xx

    • March 14, 2010 6:51 pm

      I hope it will soon, preferably before my big walk next weekend!

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