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Stifled and Uno

January 26, 2010

Or rather, you know.

I don’t like ‘real lifers’ knowing about my illness. And those who do, I expect them to treat me like a ‘real’ person- no molly coddling; no ‘how are you’ but with added meaning; I am still a person, your friend who is at lectures, the pub, climbing etc- I do not expect any different treatment. And so many people get this right, as well as those who are, quite frankly, way off the mark.

So, today in therapy we were discussing whether I’d ever be able to tell my parents things. I don’t think I would- I hate being molly coddled, I hate how they would keep checking up on me; the time for that has really passed. Their time to care was when I was younger- I really don’t feel like I got the same relationship, binding like other have with their parents, or even my sister and my parents. I’m a lot more independent, maybe because of this, maybe because that’s just my character.

How do I know this? The time I tried to tell them stuff and they called me a liar; the teenagerdom in the loft whilst my sister and them watched TV and I wasn’t ‘invited’ so just stayed alone (I know the notion of having to have an invite is traditionally British, but shouldn’t exist for some things, well they do!). Therefore I felt kind of rejected… I’m just not close to them.

Am I jealous of my sister and my parents? No. I’m just different, independent. They didn’t know I wanted to be invited, or that I felt left out; I didn’t say anything, shy as I was. Things are set now, this is how I want it to be: I don’t particularly want to suddenly start being all over them- that’s not what I want. That’s why I didn’t want this to be a goal for therapy. We did talk about one goal; I can’t *actually* remember what it was. I think something about placement. I need to write stuff down earlier; the first half of this post was written directly after the session, this is now 10 hours later and I’ve forgotten.

I’ve been given some Cognitive Analytical Therapy sheets to read; diagrams that may be useful etc, bit of light bedtime reading!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. January 27, 2010 1:45 am

    Wait until your parents start chasing you for attention (then it gets a little freaky).

    Seriously though I can understand where you’re coming from, it seems so difficult for some people to know about this stuff without it seemingly overtaking everything else they know about you. And I can’t stand molly coddling either.

    Hope the CAT sheets turn out to be useful.

    Take care,
    Differently

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