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Oh the irony…

January 20, 2010

At least I think it’s Irony…

So, having been contemplating dropping out of uni, it seems that it comes round to the whole perfection thing: My psychologist showed me a flow chart on Monday and the flow chart could go two ways: give up or try hard to reach something unrealistic. So basically, because I’m not achieving perfection, I want to give up. Better not conform and fall into perfectionism’s grasp then, and instead keep flogging this horse. There’s so much in my head. Part of me wants to give up… part of me doesn’t… and the rest is worrying about what others think, maybe I should make an informed decision off my grades when I get them back. I don’t want to be a statistic, I don’t want to give up… but I’m not sure I belong here. I fit in with my peers, but I’m not sure my mindset is right. Maybe I should leave it a few years, until I know what I want to do, maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should stop saying maybe!

9 Comments leave one →
  1. Lola Snow permalink
    January 20, 2010 4:11 pm

    Rabbit, I wonder, whether you have got anywhere else to be urgently? Do you really have to leave, for example is there something you’d rather do more? Do you enjoy the course itself (leaving out the grades/perfectionism bit)? It’s big decision to make, but you’re more than capable of making it. But also more than capable of torturing yourself with it too πŸ˜‰

    Deciding something is not for you doesn’t necessarily make you a statistic. At least I don’t think it does, not anymore than staying and getting a grade. Either way you become a number, one counted for what you do or don’t do. We’re all numbers to someone, somewhere, but so many times it becomes insignificant after you realise how many unsolicited surveys you are actually taking place in. Does it really matter what Big Brother thinks of you?

    What’s more important is what you want. If the course was ungraded, yes I know it’s a crazy concept, but would you stay then? You still have to do all the work and the coursework, and everything is the same, just no final mark.

    The what?

    Lola x

    • January 21, 2010 3:51 pm

      I think if it wasn’t for the grades, I’d be perfectly content… I like learning for learning’s sakes! So I guess that shows it is the perfectionism coming in there! I think I take what other people think, or even what they may possibly think but I have no evidence for to new levels! x

      • Lola Snow permalink
        January 22, 2010 4:55 pm

        I get that I think. I don’t know why it matters though, do you? x

      • January 22, 2010 6:52 pm

        I do get why what others’ think is so important; I think after so many years if being bullied, it’s all drilled into me to try and be as conspicuous as possible so there’s nothing to pick out that someone can notice. x

  2. findingmecrazy permalink
    January 20, 2010 8:23 pm

    Hey, how did your exam go? Please stop thinking about what other people think and focus on you, I guess you need to decide what you really want. Which I know is always really difficult! Do you have any idea what you would do if you weren’t at university or even what you want to do after university if you continue?

    Definitely don’t do anything without having a really big think about it and yeah waiting until you get your marks is probably a good idea.

    And yes I’m aware that it’s hypocritical of me to say this but no-one can be perfect, especially at uni, there’s always someone better, you just have to do the best you can at that moment in time.
    Guess there’s a lot to think about whatever way! x

    • January 21, 2010 3:53 pm

      Exam= very badly. I went blank when I went in. See, I think it’s the perfectionism rearing its’ head, because I’d love it if everything was ungraded, the work I love doing the most is the ungraded stuff, because you aren’t assessed and stuff (I mean looked down on by others for your grade). Thanks x

  3. January 21, 2010 6:21 pm

    Look Love. You ain’t leaving uni. You’re immensely clever, you earnt the place therefore you deserve to be there and you’re half way through already. Keep going hey. I’ll be your cheerleader. I’ll even shake pompoms in your direction. Perfectionism isn’t everything and that’s coming from me! You can get past this with that boffin of yours. You know perfectionism is an impossible goal deep down so maybe settle your sights on somewhere but close but not exactly there. You love your course. You love what you do. Stay in love and fight the shit that threatens it. Love is good, keep loving… and keep correcting my bad french translations on facebook πŸ™‚

    Looove you xxx

    • January 22, 2010 1:00 am

      Yay, my own personal cheerleader! Thanks, Em. I really need to get this perfectionism nailed soon… I’ll keep chipping at it! I thought you said for a moment ‘love god’ and I’m sure you know my views on that after the doctors :p Love xx

  4. findingmecrazy permalink
    January 22, 2010 3:02 am

    You can have your very own cheerleading team if you want, we’ll all be here! x

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