Skip to content


December 24, 2009

I don’t like christmas.

My mother’s downstairs singing away to hymns, everyone’s watching crap TV or whatever the pick of the day is and I’m jiggering around everywhere: I can’t leave the house for long periods of time as I’m not well enough to, but I’m bubbling over with boredom otherwise.

In regards to christmas, there is only one thing that can be said: Eff Off! Only tomorrow, and then it’ll be gone. Thank goodness! We’ve already had the shortest day of the year, so things can only get better buuuuuuut… I hate the start of the year. Cold, no loeaves, , it all just feels so unfriendly. It’s bleak, slowly getting lighter but isn’t light enough yet… then wham summer’s gone. A train out of a tunnel. And for a few months, everything is great. Then you have to go back and hide in your shell. It gets colder and darker all too quickly. See, I reckon May to December are doable: the hope from the summer can last on a little longer, until it peters out in December. But the struggling months. Months that collide with not quite enough to fill them and such. Just nothingness. Months with nothing remarkable about them, except for the fact that every year these same months are marked with the same feelings, repeated over and over with the same memories. And it hurts. Why? Because it makes me wonder. I wonder if things will, or ever can be different. How do times from just over a year ago to now differ? I’m more stable, just more stable… and still low? Still contemplating ‘things’ contemplatatively. And I lose my faith just a little more each time. What is better? What does it feel like? How will I know? Will I ever be ‘better’? Better is subjective; fuck knows what it is. All my duty is, is to keep on going: überleben- to survive.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. December 24, 2009 8:00 pm

    I like the implication of ‘rise above’ or ‘overcome’ in überleben. It’s the same as in sur-vive, of course, but it seems more obvious. Like you, I am not a Christmassy person, but I have been catching up on work rather than jiggering (whatever jiggering is 😉 ). And unlike you, I quite like the bleakness of January and February. Different memories, I suppose. Yes, things can be different. Plan a trip for this time next year — Morocco, perhaps, for warm weather even though they have Christmas there too.

    • December 25, 2009 12:48 pm

      Jiggering is meandering around the house aimlessly annoying people! As for Christmas abroad, I’ll try and persuade my parents 😉 Unfortunately I’m not yet at the age where I can randomly just take off for Christmas!

  2. December 24, 2009 8:29 pm

    You’re dissing Hollyoaks… baaaad Kate. I actually think life would be a bit better if we all lived in hollyoaks. We’d be surrounded by gorgeous guys, have sky-scraper legs, huge tits and jobs in night clubs. Yes it might be a little bit vacuous and dull, but who wouldn’t want to snuggle up to Calvin on a cold Christmas night!?…I have to say that I’d decline this offer, just cause I’ve got someone better than perfect lol. You can stop gagging now!

    Loooove x

    • findingmecrazy permalink
      December 24, 2009 11:45 pm

      I have to say that I personally would love to snuggle up with Calvin on a cold Christmas night lol, sounds lovely! I agree with you though about the struggling months, January and February in particular are always hard, the weather is so miserable and it just makes your mood worse unfortunately, but we just have to keep going I guess (stating the obvious I know, sorry!). Anyway, in spite of all you said, happy Christmas x

    • December 25, 2009 12:17 am

      I feel like I’m missing out now, not knowing who this calvin guy is! Not that I’d be interested, but to get the gossip you understand 😉

      • Lola Snow permalink
        December 25, 2009 8:30 am

        Calvin is a hotttttttie. Not as Fit as Rav Wilding (They both did strictly)

        As for Christmas, thank god it’s nearly over. It comes without invitation every year, everything must stop, faces must be put on, smile it’s Christmas, be happy even if you don’t want to be. It’s a bunch of crap, but we already knew that. I used to be able to go with the “If you can’t beat em, join em” mentality but this year I can’t be arsed.

        Take Care little Rabbit, Big up the Christmas Haters. And two fingers up to 2009. Roll on 2010 even if it is for just the promise of an eventual summer.

        Lola x

  3. December 25, 2009 12:50 pm

    Well that Calvin dude just died, in whichever episode of Hollyoaks I just watched, maybe last nights?

    I cba this year, either. However, I have been bought a good book, so I shall be reading that- something good came out of this day at least!


  4. December 25, 2009 2:08 pm

    I shall be sleeping.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: