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When the memories fade, so do the experiences?

September 20, 2009
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Or is an experience a memory? I’ve been reading a couple of Hannah’s old posts and I’ve been thinking about this one.

I have scars, we can all guess they’re from; if they fade, will I forget what happened? Or will I remember forever, whether the scars are there or not? Last week I was on the bus and a young woman got on, I’d say she was mid 20s and her arms were pretty heavily scarred. Obviously, she is fine with them, to be able to have her arms uncovered, but surely it’s like a constant reminder? Like when you look down, or when people look at you in the street. Even now, I’m finding it hard to remember certain situations and events in my life, times that I felt so bad I couldn’t go on living and it’s unimaginable how it felt.

So will this stay with me forever, or can I go on, can I have the chance to forget that this ever happened? When is one recovered? Physically, it could mean when the scars have gone; mentally it could be when one’s mood is better. Which is it?

There is no benchmark for recovery, I understand that. But sometimes I’d like a clear goal to work towards: like in exercise when you aim to do a certain amount of pressups in 5 minutes, why can’t recovery be like that?

—–

I’m at a total loss as to what happened last week. I want to think about it, write or whatever, but every time I start, I stumble. I can’t get past the scaredness of how I completely lost sight of everything, and how strange everything went.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 21, 2009 5:35 pm

    I think you will know when the scars have healed, both physically and mentally. I don’t think you can predict when that will be though. xx

    • September 21, 2009 8:08 pm

      I was just thinking that you might mentally think you’re better, but then something can come up and bite you on the bottom when you’re not looking, and that kind of brings it into question.

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