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The fear

September 13, 2009

I move back to Birmingham in a week AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGHHHH.

I’m scared. I don’t want to go. I want to be cushy here forever.

I want to go, I’m bored and can’t wait to get back to learning.

I want a rest. I’m scared about doing this all over again.

I have so much to do within a week, and so many people to say goodbye to; I don’t want to go, I don’t do goodbyes well.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. September 13, 2009 8:26 pm

    Don’t do the goodbyes, then. Be unfindable. Is there some point to them? Are you joining an intergalactic expedition that will not return for seven centuries? Or are you going part way down the M6?

    • September 13, 2009 9:49 pm

      “is there some point to them?”
      Yes, maybe it’s just something we do, but goodbyes are part of the summer, like a final chapter and anyway, it’s nice to spend time with those people.

      “Are you joining an intergalactic expedition that will not return for seven centuries? Or are you going part way down the M6?”
      Reality: yes, I’ll be 80 miles from home but they’ll all be about 300 miles away in different directions. It doesn’t feel close, it does feel rather spacial…

  2. September 14, 2009 11:18 am


    Try not to worry or dwell on the goodbyes. It’s not forever and you will see them again in a few months or less.

    Birmingham isn’t some black hole without means of communication. You will be able to stay in touch and escape now and then.

    There are good things about being down there. Your MH team to support you,

    Enjoy your last week. xxx

  3. Lola Snow permalink
    September 15, 2009 1:56 pm

    I get where you are coming from I think. Is it not so much what is changing as much as any change at all? Like changing gears, it takes some time to get going after a break? I used to find that hard, like being so tired, the thought of having to find the energy to put effort into change is overwhelming.

    I guess the thought of going back to where you were before might be worse than the reality of the situation. Life outside your comfort zone is hard, but living is by far better than just existing, no?

    Take care Rabbit

    Lola x

    • September 15, 2009 3:55 pm

      Yep, you got it spot on: so much energy to change, and to adapt to the change.

      I suspect it feels bad before, like the idea of the sound of my alarm clock going off does, but then when it goes off I can deal with it… Yes life is better living it than existing, definitely, but I’m struggling to do either at the mo.


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