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Listen to your heart

June 29, 2009

Listening to yourself is a good thing, it’s like an early warning system: if things are getting too much it will tell you. For example, it can tell you if you’re working too much. And am I? Yep! What am I doing with the warning signals? Not much, just blocking them out. Is this wise? No! Then why don’t I do anything about it? Because I’m too scared to tell people. I should ask for the days to be broken up into a chunk of 3 and 2, instead of 5; after 3 I’m goosed and I’m hardly proud of that, but it’d be better for me and my health but also better for work because I’d be more productive… I know everyone will be thinking ‘well change it then’ but I don’t want it to reflect negatively on me. Just it feels so scary and I feel I need to prove that I’m not lazy, that I can do this and more importantly, that I’m here for the ride and that I’m reliable.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. June 30, 2009 6:54 pm

    very familiar territory for me. I’ve made myself ill more than once through sheer determination not to ‘cave in’ to building pressure. It’s never worked, I’ve always ended up being forced to leave (a job, a relationship, a course, whatever) when things have reached boiling point. I’m trying to be better at having limitations but I think I’ll always secretly resent it.
    I’m sorry I know this isn’t helpful, but it just is SO familiar.
    Bloody perfectionism lol,
    L x

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