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Getting comfortable

June 27, 2009

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin…
I’ve been reading Prozac Nation these last few days (interesting, but does nothing for the mood!) and I just read a chapter where she talks about how sometimes you can get into a sort of comfort zone and to aid your recovery you have to break out of it. Said like that, it’s big and scary and who’d want to do that anyway? So I’ve been considering what I call breaking out: being at work. There are no excuses, I can’t run or hide, so there is only one option: to pretend everything is fine and to just keep trying and also learning- learning to distance myself from nasty customers or bitchy colleagues; learning to cope and push through the barrier where normally I’d just break down, or just learning my own limits and that I can’t be blamed for everything that goes wrong.

I’ve got to the point where I can recognise my own bad behaviour and go someway to stop it from developing further into the negative spiral. I’m learning and that’s the point. Sometimes I want to cut down my hours or just plain blank walk out, but this is a learning curve: in this place there is none of the comfort I’d normally find or any of the excuses I could use; this isn’t student world where an excuses and a note to back you up will cut the mustard, this is the big bad world of work.

So far my mood seems to be okay, I try to keep myself distracted from thinking etc and it generally improves the closer to the end of work I get!

What, however, is worrying, is how many randoms seem to know stuff when I am pretty sure I’ve never told them anything! For example, yesterday, I was talking to a colleague about his masters, how my friend found it etc and he randomly said ‘she assess you then?’ and I was pretty thrown but he continues ‘i remember you saying something about problems…’ thing is, I’m really pretty sure I haven’t said anything to him, unless my knowledge of the mental health system for a mere lay person tells the story. I don’t, obviously, as a rule, go around blurting this stuff out, the most I think I’ve said is about waiting for x to call. And he wouldn’t be one of the people I told…

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 30, 2009 10:03 pm

    I’ve got Prozac Nation in the bottom of the wardrobe somewhere. I’m a voracious reader when something interests me and I went through a stage a few years ago of reading as many mental health memoirs as I could get my hands on 😉 That was before blogs existed, too, so those books were the only real source of compassion I could find.
    As much as I have read loads of books, I’ve also got a very short term memory so unfortunately I don’t remember PN that well. I do remember being a bit jealous of the author a) for having her book published and
    b) for getting expensive therapy sorted for her.
    xx

    • June 30, 2009 10:19 pm

      I thought it was really good tbh, I know what you mean that she’s lucky, but I thnk she had to fight for a long time, and also I dunno, it’s weird because it’s like reading your own life with places changed!

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