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Contemplating Thinking (about thinking)

June 11, 2009

I need to think, I have a long list of things I need to think about, to work out. Just I can’t bring myself to. There’s too much and once I unstop the stop, I’m worried it’ll all fall out, like tears spill out of eyes.

I went to my favourite place today, Chorlton Water Park, but I couldn’t let myself think, let myself go. I wanted to but couldn’t and the reason? Scared to, scared what people will say, scared people will notice, scared things may slip. I used to go there to think, chill out or read and just be.

I didn’t stay for long, I was scared to take thinking further and to just damage myself by thinking. Things have changed since last year, I know that, but I need to devise a plan to get through this summer.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. June 11, 2009 11:06 pm

    Are you back with the folks for summer?

  2. June 11, 2009 11:39 pm

    Yeah, I’m home for a couple of days now, then back for good a week on sat…

  3. June 12, 2009 1:19 am

    What’s your support network like there? (Hate that the phrase sounds like trite and meaningless jargon… but you don’t realise how important/useful it is until it’s not there. It’s one of these things, like a government: if you have a good one you won’t notice.) You have thoughts to think and tears to spill, but it’s easier when you’re not alone xx

  4. June 12, 2009 5:56 am

    Il n’existe pas. Problem is that I’ve got used to having one, I agree it is a lot easier… X

  5. yunmi permalink
    June 13, 2009 7:40 am

    This is interesting. I also feel like I haven’t been able to think… but I felt like I had chose this… You give me something else to think about… maybe I am keeping myself from thinking so that I may be avoiding emotions as well… I hope you are able to begin thinking again.

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