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Doing what’s right for me

April 10, 2009

I’ve been noticing that I probably need to start looking after myself better, look for signs that things aren’t right. I already have an idea of some things which affect my mood, for example sleeping. If I go out, come back late at night it takes me about 2 weeks to recover. A hideously long time. And the reason for that? I have to make the sleep up, and when I’m tired, my mood drops and then I have to deal with the drop, and try not to spiral too far. It’s a bit of a pain, if I’m going to be honest. I really, really enjoy going out to certain places, and when I’m home I do tend to go out a lot, simply because I think Manchester is better for that kind of thing. I hate, however, that now week 2 has come around I’m feeling rather deflated and wanting to crawl under my bed. I know I need to put my health first, but I’m 18 and I want to still be able to lead my life; I don’t want to give in, it feels like I’m letting depression win if I never go out because I know I’ll get tired and my mood will sink.

Where else do I have to make the right choices? Well I have to be conscious of implications of my actions, what I say to people. Because later, I can use it as ammunition against myself, to say that I’m a bad person because of what I said, regardless of the person’s opinion. People can ‘love’ what I say, but I still beat myself up. So, my funny side runs away, gets compressed, is gone.

This post could turn into a moan, so I’ll stop here. The message is that I don’t want to have to give myself up, my youth, how I am to this. But I have to do something to stop myself from falling down a black hole.

Happy Easter.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. April 11, 2009 1:00 am

    Happy Easter, Chicky x

  2. April 11, 2009 10:18 am

    I think that this post maks a lot of sense. It’s so hard to get that balance between taking enough attention of you mh problems so that you can look after yourself, but not so much that it’s taking over everything.

    happy easter x

  3. April 11, 2009 2:49 pm

    Happy easter, hope your ok. Hannah X

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