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The elusive sleep

March 31, 2009

Or perhaps a more apt title would be ‘Why you shouldn’t eat too much Ben and Jerry’s before bed”. Chouette realised this yesterday, but I failed to heed her advice. Maybe I should ring her and talk to her until 6am like last night? We’ll see how it goes…

I’m grasping, clasping and trying to catch sleep, like it’s a dandelion clock floating through the air. It’s a shame my hair doesn’t double as that; it’s the current target of my sleep desperation: one hair after another goes floating onto the black and white floral bedspread. Followed by eyelashes and eyebrows depending. It’s a habit that’s hard to break, I broke the habit of going for my eyelashes first by having a) to wear glasses and b) waiting for them to grow back again. So my hair became the target; I pull at my hair and pick my scalp whenever… my hand is always to my head. I find it quite soothing but I think it looks like I have nits! I tie my hair back to stop myself, to stop the impulsive hand to hair follicle as soon as something goes wrong. Now I’m keeping my mitts busy by clattering away on my keyboard at nearly 2am when I should be asleep. Instead, the well known sleep inducing Pendulum is on rather loudly just because I can; there’s not enough people around to annoy and anyway, I’m enjoying this. Enjoying freedom. Enjoying 2am… Just a shame that I doubt my parents will feel the same way when I get home on Wednesday. However, my bed at home is lovely, so I’m doubting problems there- snuggle down under the hefty duvet and cushions. I’m salivering at the thought. That, and not having to cook or wash up or anything. Downsides to this? Well dinner’s going to be at 6pm, a good 2 hours at least earlier than I eat here, meaning lunch and breakfast will have to be substantially earlier; I’m sure my mum won’t let me have dinner as the first meal of the day!

I’m excited. I’m bouncing off the ceiling, and that I think is why I can’t sleep. Why Quietlife is having no effect whatsoever. Because yet again, I have a desire to do uni work. Like when I woke up at 9am sunday with lots and lots of ideas for my Hitler presentation and knowing exactly what to write, what I would cover and all. Just that come 11am, that work ethic dissipated and I got busy with laundry and shopping et al (and I think I need to find my sister a better birthday present, bugger. I have some lovely earrings for her from Accessorize, but I’m not entirely sure they are her thing. Back there we go then!) and then it sort of ended up being 9pm and I had to eat… then come 1am my desire returned: the presentation had to be done there and then! I somehow managed to quell that desire and get a bit of shuteye (well until I woke up because my phone wasn’t on silent and a certain owl (ahem Chouette) was texting me…) which lead to me going to bed at 7am monday, waking up at 11 and getting down to work.

I’m still bouncing. I was hoping getting all this out would help, but instead I’m more excited than before. Excited for what? For Easter, for the summer, for the possibility of going to Hungary, for the possibility of hopefully working and having lots of money, for seeing my friends, for staying here and having some rest, for everything. Everything is marvellous, everything is great. How good it is that my flatmates aren’t here to drag me down, how now everyone’s gone home they’ve stopped boasting about their ‘fabulous’ lives on facebook. Just the way I like it.

I thrive on isolation, it appears. I’ve spoken to one person (in the flesh) for half an hour today and that’s it. No more human contact (aside from MSN et al) and you know what? I’m perfectly happy with it. I can deal with it. I like it. I’m just permanently wanting to read EVERY book in my room I’m that excited. I’m in the midst of reading ‘A thousand splendid suns’ by Khaled Hosseini (author of ‘the kite runner’) but I also have lots of books to be read. Books, it appears, excite me. Guess where I got that from? Thank you mother… I also got my OCD traits off her that now the psyhiatrist mentioned it, I can’t stop thinking about it. Same with the Paranoia (yes, you are stalking me…)(Now that everyone’s gone it’s not so bad).

So, this post. It appears it’s a load of rambling. Has it helped? No. But at least you all know probably way, way, way too much about my life, seeing as I appear to have gone into mega detail. Now then, how the hell do I sleep? I’m guessing turning Pendulum off, putting on an audio book or reading might be the way forward, but who wants sense? Reading the H&M article for German got me excited, so maybe I’ll get too excited over some other book. If I can get a lot done tomorrow I can screw my sleep pattern; I just have to keep going and then I can let my hair down for a week or so before I knuckle down and also before I get to have a lovely week in wales with the parents. (Although to be fair, I’m quite excited, there is a BEACH, which means that I will be in chest deep water perfectly happy whilst everyone else goes ‘bloody hell that’s cold’. I’ve always done it, my parents keep reminding me of when I was 6/7 ish in somewhere Northerly in Scotland… North Berwick, or somewhere and the water was about freezing, it was blowing a gale… and I was fully immersed in the water perfectly happy. I bloody love the sea, when I had my phobia of seaweed/cassette tapes that was evil; not just because going to the beach was a terror but because I was kept away from the sea. Another memory is getting to Borth in Wales when I was about 4, I ran across the street straight down the beach and into the sea so fast my parents couldn’t catch me. I’m going to the Med this year, I’d prefer the Atlantic but free holiday, who cares? Last time I went to the Med there were fish swimming at my feet which was freaky but lovely. Just I’m hoping for a pebble free beach so I can skim. The waves there aren’t amazing either, but I’m sure they’ll do. I’ll just beg for the Atlantic, or go by myself.)

Wow, ramble. I could go on, I really could. I’m far too excitable. Heed my advice, think about sugar consumption before you go ahead and plunge in. It was bloody good ice cream however. I wonder if I could give up alcohol and take up ice cream instead? Chouette seems to find it works well… Or I could do both, seeing as I doubt I’d get away with excessive ice cream consumption at home. I have to eat like, fruit and veg there which yannow, unknown entity. (Well not quite, but frozen carrots are disgusting and I cba going to Tesco for organic cos the ones from the market taste dodgy). I eat apples. Just a shame an apple a day doesn’t keep the doctor away… well it keeps me away re: physical ills, but mental ills are not covered it appears. I’ll have to create a new breed, but for now I’m sure Pink Lady’s will suffice. It’s a shame cross breeding of apples would take too long, I’d do it here and now if it was instant and ended in a bang (but didn’t set the fire alarm off).

Speaking of fire alarms, I think my residence tutor came into my room this morning (but I was asleep). Some people in my corridor have lost their keys, so they’ve left their doors unlocked and she’s apparently been around and locked them all. If I was asleep she wouldn’t have known I was still there so I hope she hasn’t been in, interfering woman. I did tidy the kitchen though, so if she had done anything I think I would have been right to scream at her… 24 hours notice please and also if we’re not here, why are you in our rooms? Hmph. I know she went around at Christmas- faults no-one had reported were miraculously found and repaired much to our confusion. Mind you, I’m not sure she went in Jack’s room- his window got smashed on Friday night and I’m sure if she’d found it, all hell would have broken loose because a) it’s Rasheeda and b) she can fine you for it. That, I swear, is her only purpose. That and moving my baking trays around only for them to magically appear after I’d asked her about the wearabouts. Weird, huh?

The word count is now showing 1515, which basically means I could have written an essay for uni. My standard essay lengths are 1500 words; why are they so hard to write but this so easy (although I can’t wait to write the Hitler one… that sounds wrong. )

I’m thinking of bed being a good option now, to save looking even more of a fool. Nighty night, peeps!

2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 31, 2009 9:17 pm

    Glad you’re feeling happier. Enjoy the week in Wales.

    Take care,

  2. March 31, 2009 9:21 pm

    Thanks differently, I’m looking forward to it! x

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