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So, they’re selling the house

February 10, 2009
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And that’s fine, I mean he’s been dead 8 months and they feel ready to move on. But I’m not. I still believe he’s going to walk through the door sometime and all of this will have been a lie.

I’ve just had a long coversation with my mum, she’s been round to his to clean and for someone to come about a HIP. She’s cleaning it to make sure justice is done when potential buyers visit. I’m happy about that- he always kept the house spotless and well maintained. One day he phoned up my mum saying he felt absolutely awful, a bad stomach upset. She went to visit him the next day and he was repainting the hall like everything was totally normal! She was absolutely furious! We know now it was the cancer that was causing these mystery stomach problems. Even in hospital after they found numerous secondaries in his brain, he still wanted to go home and get things done; hospital was too boring for him! He argued about having his car taken away from him (he collapsed whilst shopping, was taken to hospital and that’s when the secondaries were found, when you have a brain tumour or anything like that you can’t drive) although he was in hospital. And then, a month later, he died. Admittedly, Wythenshawe Hospital didn’t get to claim both partners (my grandma died there after they failed to realise it was blood she was throwing up), he died at home with his family around him on 15th June 2008. It made made my birthday interesting at least, a mystery phone call at 11.30pm and my mum running out of the house, coming back late at night and pretending all was normal for my exam.

This all happened during my exams, when I was particularly ill, so I wasn’t particularly responding to outside situations, that’s why I think I’ve not really come to terms with it yet. I only saw him in hospital after muchas begging with my parents, they wanted me to remember him how he was, I wanted to see him. I never helped to tidy out the house because I was either at work or couldn’t face going through someone else’s things; it didn’t seem right to poke around. Except with death, you have to. With houses, you can’t just leave them there and go back whenever you wish: they need to be maintained and taxes to be paid if you aren’t going to sell it, and if you are, you have to empty it out.

I don’t know when I’ll come to accept this, I don’t know how, but I need to.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. February 10, 2009 4:49 pm

    (hugs Kate)

    You never get over the loss of a loved one, you just get used to it.

  2. Lola Snow permalink
    February 10, 2009 5:14 pm

    Kate rabbit I think La got it just right. I’m sorry to hear this, but perhaps the selling of the house might help? It’s fairly understandable that if it happened whilst you were ill, you never processed it properly. I’m not sure how someone can “start the grieving process” perhaps something for therapy? Or can you speak to your family about it? Aside from that I have no idea. I never grieved for my Aunt (my childhood hero) because she lived and died in another country a few years ago. In my head everything is just as it was. I can go over to visit her in the family home anytime I like. I doubt that’s healthy, but reality has never been my strong point.

    On a side note it’s one of ye olde shrinketh questions, “Have you recently been thinking about someone close to you who has died”. That’s not saying that you wouldn’t have anyway, but it’s worth noting that when you are very depressed your thoughts can slip into the place where thoughts of death and dying are very prominent. Especially if you have something like this in your memory.

    {{{Hugs}}}

    Lola x

  3. February 10, 2009 5:26 pm

    Hmm, I can’t really speak to my family; I’m scared to. I don’t want to admit that I’m weak… my mum’s holding it together, and he was her dad.

    *le sigh*
    I’m gonna bring it up at counselling later

    xx

  4. February 10, 2009 8:39 pm

    thinking of you x

  5. February 12, 2009 3:36 pm

    Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs. Hannah X

  6. February 12, 2009 4:05 pm

    Thank you, you two xx

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