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The smiling, unsmiling Mädel

January 28, 2009

I’m smiling and laughing, but I want to cry and go back to bed; to hibernate. I can’t face people right now, it’s so hard to keep up the face when all I want is to be under my duvet and asleep.

I’m not feeling particularly “good” and am in a bit of a mood to do some damage to myself, so I’m going to try and work through it… by sewing, Gossip Girl and maybe a bit of work splashed in for good measure followed by an early night.

I hate feeling like this, I feel like a failure. I want to scream, but I feel like there’s no-one there. I’m like a long distance phone line: cracking up. How long till I smash? I hope my doctor comes back some day soon, I don’t think Tally is right for me, or at least at 30mg.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. January 28, 2009 9:26 pm

    *Hugs* Try and ride it out by sleeping if possible?

    If not, if you wanna talk you have my email address and we can talk… just don’t do any harm to yourself, you’ll feel worse for it in the morning.

    You’re not alone xx

  2. January 28, 2009 11:37 pm

    I have been sleeping, the downside is that I’m now wide awake. If I don’t fall asleep, then your inbox may get plagued, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to just roll back over and not wake till 7am. Unlikely but hey!
    Thanks xx

  3. January 28, 2009 11:42 pm

    No problemo, I tend to wake up every few hours anyway and I sleep next to my laptop… the noise of it helps me to sleep at night… long story.

    But anytime hun xx

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