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Things I don’t understand

January 7, 2009

Like how one day I can be feeling pretty good; the next I can’t get out of bed, text or bear to talk to anyone

Like how people can appear to be okay, when really they’re not

Like how clothes that haven’t fitted for ages miraculously do

Like how people can be oblivious to anything and everything and the damage they’re doing

Like why books are so expensive

Like why the decision between new phone or iPod and which one can be so difficult

Like how I have to quash myself every day to stop making a show of myself

Like how people that supposedly understand, don’t

Like how the mental health system is so complex that when I’m feeling that bad, I can’t even bear to think about navigating it

Like how I have so much work to do, and a will to do it but my head is swimming

Like how making a decision always has repercussions

Like how I can decide that when I get back to Brum I will throw away my box of goodies, but five minutes later that idea is totally inconceivable

Like how people still want to know me


My mood has dropped, again; the snow has gone. I went for a wander this morning, but it wasn’t like yesterday. I feel like I’m hanging on for something, but I can’t quite identify what. I want to make plans, but something feels like it’s in the way, but I don’t know what. My diary is blank, my head is swimming and today has been one of those days where as soon as you sit down the energy drains from your body and things are no longer as rosy as they were before. I don’t understand how overnight my mood has dropped from good to awful; what happened?

I have lots of to-do lists, but no energy from them. This is pathetic.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Lola Snow permalink
    January 7, 2009 11:13 pm

    Amen to number 9! I’ve heard it’s just to confuse us, that way they save money.

    I guess every day can’t be a fantastic day. It does seem pants though. It’s crap that you are having a rubbish day, but the good day was equally unexpected, so maybe tomorrow will be better for you? I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will be. Maybe things will level out eventually.

    Lola x

  2. January 8, 2009 10:32 am

    I know not every day can be good, but I wish the change was more gradual! Not going to bed feeling great and waking up without any energy and feeling utterly crap when you’re still basking in the glow of the day before does annoy me somewhat!


  3. Alison permalink
    January 8, 2009 4:38 pm

    I can fully relate to how you are feeling and your posts sums it up very well. Changes in mood are just awful I don’t understand myself and I am a lot older than you… more annoying is trying to get any health professional to actually understand what your going through – I often feel they look at me like I have two heads or snakes like medusa!

  4. January 8, 2009 5:19 pm

    Don’t scare me about the mental health professionals, I have little faith in them already! Ach well, we’ll see what the new one says… if she actually gets in touch!

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