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New year, new me? No way!

January 1, 2009

I’m not making resolutions this year, there’s no point. I’ll either forget or strive for something I can’t do and then use it as a reason to beat myself up about it, so no resolutions for me!

I’m getting mightily hacked off with this new year lark, it isn’t a new start: there’s still the same old crap going on, you can’t change miraculously overnight, and well, maybe I’ve just lost hope. My head is so foggy, that I don’t think that I can even think to work out a resolution, unacheivable or not! I think I’ve just given up.

Last night was good, great even. I had an amazing time, and was pleasantly tipsy (2 nights in a row, go me!) and what better way to see off 2008 than a mosh pit to ‘sex is on fire’? Some things really hacked me off, some bad stuff did happen but thankfully none of it was my doing, although I would have been arrested if things had got more out of hand. I hate dealing with drunk friends who are brawling with bouncers. Thankfully, the situation has been rectified now, and hopefully it can be forgotten by those involved! Although this happened, I’m going to be honest, I can’t give one, I really can’t. I can’t make sense of the situation, so by default I just walk away. I didn’t really have a chance to think of my plans, I probably had brain freeze! There was snow on the ground both going there and coming back… I had 2 fleeces and a coat on and was still cold!

Anyway, back to the new year. I’m trying not to think about things, I have a draft of my 2008, but it’s going to be deleted. I’m not strong enough to go through it all again, the things that hurt the first time around, that have had to be discussed again and again still hurt, so I’m trying to avoid them. I’m going to have to explain all my history again 3 times in Birmingham when I get back; I have sent off a counselling request thingy to a ‘young peoples place’ and I’m going to be having a new MHW (hopefully!) and doctor… yay!

New year to you all (with the happy in front if you want it to be, I can’t quite bring myself to put that in a sentence yet!)

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Lola Snow permalink
    January 1, 2009 10:25 pm

    From one second of the old year to another second of the new year changes f*ck all. Keep working on being around that’s the main thing, and good for you not setting any ridiculous targets, and unrealistic goals. You are doing fine just as you are.

    Lola x

  2. January 1, 2009 10:28 pm

    Thanks, Lola!
    xx

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