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Welcome to the world of calorie-counting low-fat eating.

December 21, 2008
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Please take your seats and your washing up water like “yogurt” will be served to you soon. Lunch will be 1 sandwich and an apple and desert is a kiwi. Thank you for eating at Kate’s house.

I really, really need to go food shopping. I can’t stand all this low fat business, I was proper food, that actually y’know has a taste?! I don’t know what I’ll do with the food once I’ve bought it, because I have no way  of cooking it or hiding it, but I can dream of nourishment and actually having enough to eat! I’m not allowed to cook in case I make a mess, I can’t eat more because I’ll be “fat” seeing as I’m eating more than my mum thinks I should be…. but what can I do? Be 2 dinners ted and have a meal at work then come home? That’s just greedy… but I still need to find a resolution and a way to get through these 3 weeks without beating myself up for eating. It’s getting worse already, I know it; the scales are trying to draw me in, I’m resisiting but for how much longer? That’s when the bricks fall down and I succumb to my mum’s way of thinking. I’ve not gone away to uni to come back and fall down; if I’d stayed there then this wouldn’t have happened, but I have to come home some time or other…

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Lola Snow permalink
    December 21, 2008 9:00 pm

    Awww mate, that sounds like seriously bad news. Hang tough because you are in the right. The other way is too much pain, and no way of living. Can you talk to your Mum about this sort of stuff?

    Lola x

  2. December 21, 2008 9:32 pm

    Lola,
    It’s hard to believe I’m in the right sometimes. You’re taught to respect your parents, but then you have to not at some times (if that makes sense!) I’m trying to block out stuff, but I think there is only so much you can; in Brum I don’t really need to block anything out: I am who I am, I do what I want, I eat what I want and everything is on my own terms… then we go back to here and it’s a bit difficult. I don’t want to go back to where I’ve been… but the past never bites me back, unfortunately I never remember bad stuff until it revisits in the form of history repeating.
    There’s no point arguing, my dad’d get involved too because no-one can ever criticise my mum, she’s too perfect, and too fragile for that to happen. Last time I did it ended up all guns blazing and I’ve basically shut up shop. I just have to make sure I don’t become too fragile… I just don’t know how to stop that! Today I’ve already realised work is a bad place for me, and I’m hoping that doesn’t drag me down too far!
    Ramble over, because it became a bit wtf!
    xx

  3. December 22, 2008 9:33 am

    *hugs*

    It’s really difficult if there is that family experience and you feel you can’t escape from it.

    I hope you can keep yourself safe and try not to let it beat you.

    Take care xx

  4. December 22, 2008 11:24 am

    Thanks ITS xx

  5. December 22, 2008 12:21 pm

    “Families: can’t live with them, get in trouble for shooting them and hiding their bodies under the patio” 😉 . I’m sorry to hear that your family is causing such stress and grief. But I’m with Lola – you’re in the right so try not to get sucked in.

    Take care,
    Differently

  6. December 22, 2008 9:00 pm

    Differently, that is too true! My dad’s a stress ball at the mo because I’m ill and he’s stressing about him getting it (typical bloke, swore at me for taking a sip of water from a cup he had his toothbrush in, even tho I washed it out after… grr!) and I think work. I’m so glad to be living away right now! Trying not to get sucked in, low fat yoghurt simply doesn’t cut it in comparison to full fat!
    xx

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