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Diagnosing myself with something I don’t have (anymore)?

November 23, 2008

I have a dilemma: I’m reading through the diagnostic criterion for the 2 big eating disorders that my doc gave me a print out for and I’m beginning to wonder whether this is me getting “better” from times when I was younger, and all this talk is just triggering?

Looking at anorexia nervosa:

  • Food restriction– well, not really. I eat 4 times a day: 2 bowls of shreddies, a sandwich and dinner. I think the problem is that well this isn’t really enough, not that I’m refusing to eat. Those days are gone. The days in high school and when I first moved to Brum where I just really didn’t want to eat; I’m not restricting.
  • Deliberate weight loss– well, losing weight has upset me because I know losing weight is bad!
  • A wrong idea of body size– this is hard to say since I’ve pretty much given up shopping because I hate my body but it is true, I’m always surprised an 8/10 fits and that I don’t need a 16. I don’t know exactly how to change that, though…

Bulimia nervosa:

  • Bingeing– I’ve binged throughout my teens due to unhappiness. Then I gave up such foods totally because I was worried about my teeth. That’s when eating nothing began, because I didn’t want to damage my teeth; I was obsessed. It was so easy to do: my grandad gave me chocolate every week and I gave it to people at school, it was so easy. But yes, I’ve always had a tendency to binge.
  • Purging– Kind of. I’ve never made myself sick, but I have used laxatives and other things.

The problem I’m finding by getting embroiled into all of this is 2 things:

  1. Is there actually anything wrong
  2. I know there used to be, but am I just constantly triggering myself instead of letting things go and just getting on with it

The problem is that I don’t know. I know there used to be, and I know that now things aren’t quite right… but how bad are they in the grand scale of things? This feels normal to me now so I’m a bit out of touch. I’m not weighing 5st and dangerously thin… but that doesn’t mean to say I don’t have a problem! I’m eating, making sure I do. Just is that enough? I can’t eat more than I can take, and when that isn’t enough? I’m scared of wasting resources that are already depleted enough, but at the same time, this is something that is quite big for me. In a way I feel that getting this sorted could definitely get me to somewhere out of depression, afterall you have to eat to feel good about yourself and if you constantly have tummy pains you won’t feel good!

Another thing I’m questioning is about fluoxetine… these last few days since I came off, I have been so, so hungry! It’s good for eating problems, should I have come off it? I guess I could always go back on it if I really desperately wanted to…

Maybe this post is me trying not to believe I have a problem

4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 24, 2008 7:12 am

    Maybe your eating issues are more down to the depression than having an actual eating disorder? When your depressed you don’t feel like eating, or you end up over eating.

    At my worst I was still eating but very little each day, not because I was trying to control my food intake or anything, but simply because I just didn’t feel the need to eat or feel the hunger.

    Sort out one thing at a time, baby steps xx

  2. November 24, 2008 9:47 am

    That could be true, I read some research the other week basically saying that and I did find it true… I just guess my doctor doesn’t know this! In a way it’s true because I’m not particularly restricting or purging, just not eating and bingeing!

    Thanks fall from grace 🙂 xx

  3. November 24, 2008 5:14 pm

    No problemo… and my mates call me Princess Gracie… check out the tiara 😛 x

  4. November 24, 2008 7:27 pm

    Ahaa, there I see it now! xx

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