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November 15, 2008

Coming to accept that there are no “shoulds” of what I should be doing at the weekend. I shouldn’t be out shopping, I shouldn’t be with friends, I shouldn’t be going out… I should be doing what I enjoy… and that is rock climbing, drawing, reading and exploring…

This is a momentous moment for me, I don’t feel an ebb when I think of all the people out shopping with their friends and getting drunk, because well, for me that doesn’t do it for me. It makes me feel more included in society, yes, but it doesn’t make me happy. Yet sitting here in my room with my music on loud, drawing and dreaming is making me so, so happy… the idea of sitting in here and reading excites me! The idea of having to go out into town, into the crowds seems like an utter nightmare and can wait until monday morning when it isn’t so busy. Shame is, I’m going to have to thrust myself upon the world soon to meet a friend. I’m fairly excited, and I know earlier I said I don’t like doing that, it’s just that I don’t like feeling like I “should”. I’ve had a choice over this matter: to meet this person or not, it’s not a should for me. A should is I should really go out shopping, because everyone is, and I should try and invite someone else so that I don’t feel odd being alone on a saturday afternoon in the city centre.

If you’re lost yet… don’t worry I am too. I can’t type quick enough to get the words out, and everything’s racing by. But I’m happy, and that’s what counts!

One Comment leave one →
  1. cbtish permalink
    November 15, 2008 5:49 pm

    I am just back from shopping in town. You were right about it. 😉

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