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Keeping in the cycle

November 7, 2008

Writing that last post, I realised something: I’m keeping myself in this cycle. If I’m so hungry I’m shaking and so sleep deprived that I interpret everything wrongly, then of course I’m going to feel pretty rubbish.

Okay, so I’ve grasped that point finally, but what now? I don’t want to eat because I’m scared of putting on weight; I can’t sleep/don’t want to because I don’t want to be like this for another day.

Maybe I should talk to more specialist people about my eating, seeing as that seems to be a fairly major issue. Part of me wants to accept that, part of me not.

I think having 2 weeks off MHW has helped, I’ve had time to think about things, what I want to get out of treatment and what my actual problems are. Thing is, do I want to stay within the system, or go it alone. I sometimes wonder if this was always going to happen or things got worse because of my CBT last year for the phobia. My life could be full of what ifs but I shouldn’t think too much on them.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Lola Snow permalink
    November 7, 2008 1:51 pm

    All the advice I can offer is don’t ever let yourself get hungry. I know that this is really tough if you are afraid of putting on weight, but you are actually more likely to put on weight if you binge and purge. You get up between 25-50% of what you binge on. If you do the math, thats more calories consumed than if you were to just eat normally.

    I cannot actually believe how hard it is to eat the amount of food that your body needs to maintain weight. It was probably another trigger which kicked me back into Anorexia from Bulimia, because I was eating 3 meals & 3 snacks a day (I know how much food is that!!) and still the weight was falling off me.

    You are obviously smart enough to have worked this all out yourself, and you’ve realised that you are going to obsess about food until you stop being hungry. Make a list of foods which you feel comfortable and safe eating, and take it from there.

    I’m not going to bark on endlessly about all the different ways you can get out of the cycle (Lets be honest here I’m not exactly leading by example) but if you want any more info, gimme a shout and I’ll send you some links which have really helped me.

    Lola x

  2. November 7, 2008 9:53 pm

    Thanks Lola, that’s good advice about safe foods, I think I’ll definitely do that! And if you could send me those links it’d be great!

  3. Lola Snow permalink
    November 8, 2008 2:33 pm

    Email on it’s way…

  4. November 8, 2008 2:59 pm

    Thanks lola xx

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