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Erasing the traces of myself

September 9, 2008

I want to do this, as if I never existed, to wipe myself off the front of the planet. Or, mainly on the internet. You might right now be asking yourself about this blog, I’m hardly going anonymous with this, but I am. A small confession: only my name is changed. Kate is my middle name, but everything else is right. I’m not good enough to keep the story up! There’s just one reason for this: I don’t want to be found and remembered.

But, anyway. To erase myself totally: I’d like it to be that if I google myself no results would show, but unfortunately that’s not possible, there are entries for how many GCSEs I have, and no doubt A2 results courtesy of the local paper who published all this WITHOUT permission.Then there’s random social networking sites that won’t delete me, or traces of me. I’ve emailed and emailed, deleted, inactivated accounts and no, still nothing. Rien. Meaning that things 4/5 years old are still showing up, things I don’t necessarily want associating with me. It’s good in a way, there’s nothing bad potential employers can find BUT I just don’t want it to be there!

But, as well as this on the internet, this has a deeper part of my offline life: I make sure things I have touched are left as I found them, that no-one I don’t want to can’t get my details where possible, but I guess this is coming down to my ulterior motive: when I commit suicide people won’t remember me. The way I want it to be, because at the end of the day I’m not special to anyone, and the more people who can forget me the better.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 9, 2008 11:06 pm

    I know what you mean about the horrors of a google search on yourself. Do I really want to see the eight year out of date bebo profile? I think not. I was going to give my self a fake name but then I realised that I would never remember it, and then a few months ago I went the hole hogg and gave every detail you could imagine out but through a series of links so I couldn’t be googled but thats beside the point. Hope things are Ok. Hannah X

  2. Alison permalink
    September 10, 2008 9:36 pm

    I can relate to how you feel because I often do the same myself quite frequently… I’ve had a dozen or so blogs over the years which have all disappeared and come back. If I Google some of my old user names I am surprised to see what often pops up…

    Rest assured though what you are feeling is perfectly normal… well not so normal but hey ho others can associate with it!

  3. September 10, 2008 9:41 pm

    Alison, my memory sucks quite a lot, so I can’t necessarily remember the usernames! I might try a few, but I don’t know if I want to remember the websites where we’d all try and do better than another!!!

    Hannah, things aren’t going so well, but I might snap out of it some time soon! I’ve just realised, actually you and anyone’s blog I’ve commented you could find me very easily, I’ve not created an email for this blog, that’s my normal address… oops! (And should I have said that?!)

    xx

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