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My fear of tomorrow

September 3, 2008


Read on, dear reader…

The day I have to tell the truth

The day where everything is going to come out, like a big ball of wool unravelling.

How I don’t eat, sleep and how I tried to throw myself off a bridge. Whilst making all this seem perfectly reasonable, and that I’m not really mental, honest.

I know I need more help, I’m just scared of the consequences. So now, I’ve worked out what I have to say: it escalated too quickly, but can you do something for me to get help in Brum, and also is there anything you can do to stop my moods from going from low to high, and vice versa, continually, because it’s ruining my life. I’m not going to be able to work for much longer, and I can’t socialise or go out for fear of what’s going to happen.

Now, I need to sleep, so I don’t miss the 8.30 calling in time to get an appointment. My docs first day back from holiday, and won’t he be glad to see me? I think not!

Then, I have to go to this meditation for my CBT, then in the evening, it’s counselling. Mental Health Day for me, and a long round up!

6 Comments leave one →
  1. September 3, 2008 6:51 pm

    Good luck, and may patience be with you!

    Plus I’ve just remembered you said you live in Manchester. But I just said in a comment that I’d ‘figured out’ you were American. I think I may have mislaid my brain somewhere today. Sorry, I’m being an eejit.

    Suzy x

  2. September 3, 2008 7:54 pm

    It’s sixth form. It’s evil bahh!

  3. September 3, 2008 10:04 pm

    Hope the appointment goes well. I have always found that to access the best help you need to emphasis how bad things are at there worst or you get very little help, but I am sure you had already worked that out. Hannah X

  4. September 4, 2008 11:20 am

    Even at my worst, I get very little. I’m going to write something later, just I’m not exactly sure how to react to what happened. Well, I must go and meditate so I can cure my depression (that’s what my therapist from the PCMHT actually said. At that point I wanted to kill him, and use Suzy’s letter but just change a little! x

  5. September 4, 2008 5:33 pm

    Woop woop, my famous letter! Heh. We did meditation today in school, to ‘teach us how to revise’. Well, it was just yoga, really, and it was surprisingly fun!

    Suzy x

  6. September 4, 2008 5:38 pm

    I wish my meditation had gone well. Having not slept didn’t help!
    [I’m in the process of writing something funky about today, which has been decidedly unfunky]

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