Flogged but not beaten

I’m taking hits from all sides: energy, eating, mood and generally everything. These whips keep whipping me, but I’m still here, still fighting, and that’s what I intend to keep doing. My sleep is quite screwy at the mo, a few hours here and there, or just completely disturbed dreams that morph into something that [...]

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The buffet

As assessment for therapy is like a buffet for the therapist: The plates are the client, and they pick and choose what they wish, as they wish. By this I mean that all the plates are areas of your life, so for example today my therapist was talking about the 5 main causes of depression: [...]

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Scared of the future

I know my move back to Birmingham tomorrow will be easier than last time; I know people, I’ve had a routine there, nothing is so new as it was when I moved down there for the first time in September. It doesn’t make it any easier for me, though.
I’m really scared of being alone again, [...]

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Things that I don’t deserve

I’ve received some lovely things for christmas, or bought in the days following christmas:

Two notebooks from my parents and a purse I bought today

It doesn’t look much on the hanger, but it makes me feel great when I wear it

A necklace I got from my sister. I’m tempted to make it a thing I wear [...]

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That’s that, then

Book finished, case closed. File slung in a corner never to be looked at again. I’ve got a referral to a ‘Young person’s place’ and the MHW is referring me onto his colleague, something similar to a clinical psychologist. Don’t ask me how I feel, because I really don’t know. I don’t know how I [...]

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Fine again

I’m lying in bed listening to a mix my boyfriend? made me. I say boyfriend? because I really don’t know where we’re up to now; it’s all my fault. That’s not the point, anyway, this is: this song: Fine again by Seether.
I relate to it a little bit too much:
It seems like every day’s the [...]

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Reflection

I fell off my horse and got back on it. I guess the main point this time is that I did it on my own this time around. These last 4 weeks I’ve gone from seeing someone every week to absolutely nothing, but I’ve made it. At the start, I was doubting that, but, well, [...]

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How to tell it’s the weekend:

Your mood drops; you start wondering if you’ll survive, or whether this weekend will be the one where everything gets too much.
So, we’re at another weekend and I wonder what it’ll bring.
My diary says London and uni work, but lets face reality: yes I’ll go to London, but will I make it back; and even [...]

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Back Home…

So, I’m back in Manchester again. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say next, because what I want to say I can’t. I’m going to try and word it, just the problem is I don’t know if it’s the right thing to say.
I want to say I’m a complete bitch; all these things I’ve [...]

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Once again flying free

(Not that I actually want to be…)
So, Mr MHW phoned and he’s spoken to his boss, and she said no. Have we been here before? Yes we friggin have, and I’m not a happy bunny. Purely on the basis that a lot can happen in 4 weeks, I’m pretty low right now and the advice [...]

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