Learning to live with what I’ve got

I may not like myself much, but I’m stuck with it. So here’s the challenge: to learn to live with it.
Today in counselling, we were discussing what I hate about myself so much, and the answer it seems is a few things, not just one. For example, I hate how I come across to others: [...]

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Shut up brain, just shut up, shut up

There’s something attractive about tying things tightly around one’s neck. That’s the most honest I’ve been all week, and probably the most honest I will be.
I can’t tell anyone this, and I’m well on the way to people thinking I’m okay; not enough people know me well enough to know that when I say I’m [...]

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Letting people in

I’ve lent a few people keys to inside me today; firstly my doctor in a thank you card, my counsellor and Gracie.
I decided to give my doctor this link because I trust her and I wanted to give it her (I could ramble again about it’s a shame she’s leaving and blahh but I’m sure [...]

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The buffet

As assessment for therapy is like a buffet for the therapist: The plates are the client, and they pick and choose what they wish, as they wish. By this I mean that all the plates are areas of your life, so for example today my therapist was talking about the 5 main causes of depression: [...]

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Confusion

During counselling today, we ended up discussing what I thought to be some interesting points; one was the role of the counsellor: do I guide the session, or does she?
One of my past counsellors was very focus driven, she’d sort of guide the topic and push for things to be spoken about; the other asked [...]

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Hope

Some days you feel like you shouldn’t even have got up.
Others take you completely by surprise and blow your socks off. They make you reconsider your thoughts and views of life and give you so much hope. Today was one of those days.
I went to Aquafit at the gym and loved it. Admittedly, I’m used [...]

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I’m not eatingly disordered, just a bit screwed

Well, I guess the good news is that I’m off the fluoxetine and will soon (as in tomorrow) be starting to take my new friend, tally. I just have to actually go and collect him from somewhere. It was a difficult task to persuade my doctor to take me off it, instead of upping the [...]

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Once again flying free

(Not that I actually want to be…)
So, Mr MHW phoned and he’s spoken to his boss, and she said no. Have we been here before? Yes we friggin have, and I’m not a happy bunny. Purely on the basis that a lot can happen in 4 weeks, I’m pretty low right now and the advice [...]

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“university is what you make of it”

This phrase is appearing a lot these days: university prospectuses, videos and posters. It may inspire some, but for others (ie me), it brings a sense of doom, gloom and sadness. I say this because I’m trying to make something positive come out of this: I’ve joined societies; socialise with others and try to show [...]

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Manchester, I Love You

5 years it’s taken me to realise this. 5 years to realise I was making myself hate here, hate myself, hate the people, hate my friends, hate my schools and colleges, hate the people who’ve helped me, hate the weather, the places, the buses, the way my life was. But, I’m having something coming through, [...]

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