New doctor, New shenanigans, New straight in at the deep end

So, today was the day I met my new doctor. She seems nice. And also unafraid of plunging straight in at the deep end… Bugger. And she wouldn’t let me wiggle out of questions. I guess she was thorough at least; just I wasn’t quite expecting ‘Hi, I’m Dr X, How are you? Your notes [...]

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Words

With the English language having lots of adopted words, you’d think there’d be words that can describe how awful I’m feeling; but there aren’t- the thesaurus draws a blank. I can’t even formulate the word, the meaning beyond awful. How descriptive is that? Not very I hear you say. I can talk and talk, keep [...]

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Flogged but not beaten

I’m taking hits from all sides: energy, eating, mood and generally everything. These whips keep whipping me, but I’m still here, still fighting, and that’s what I intend to keep doing. My sleep is quite screwy at the mo, a few hours here and there, or just completely disturbed dreams that morph into something that [...]

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Mute

>.<
Because no-one knows what’s going on inside me, the fight that’s taking me over. The fight to contain my thoughts, the fight to cope and pretend everything’s okay.
Last night was like so many other nights, I hated it. Walking around Wilkinson’s and Asda with only one thing on my mind, trying not to let the [...]

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Tally Ho!

Well, the floppy eared bunny is going up to 30mg, from 20mg; I can’t believe how small the 10mg tablets are!
I also had to see a new doctor, and thankfully she was really nice. She didn’t seem to care about how long I was in there (although that could explain why I had to wait [...]

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I am who I am

I am who I am.
I am the daughter who shouts loudest, laughs loudest, is totally unrestrained and is always jumping around. It doesn’t matter who, why when or what, chez moi I’m always jumping and shouting. This morning I realised I don’t think I’ve ever heard my sister shout or jump around in the house; [...]

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Reflection

I fell off my horse and got back on it. I guess the main point this time is that I did it on my own this time around. These last 4 weeks I’ve gone from seeing someone every week to absolutely nothing, but I’ve made it. At the start, I was doubting that, but, well, [...]

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Will you read my mind?

I wish my doctor would read my mind. It’d save the telling off I just got. I am really, really angry. I’m in a permanent high state and things are going to pot: I have no concentration, so doing no work; I’m too high to socialise without making a fool of myself; I’m itching all [...]

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Loss?

I was absent for part of the conversation at the Bloggers’ meet in Manchester where Em, Chouette, Hannah and ITS were discussing what they’ve lost through mental illness. Reading other posts got me thinking about what I’ve lost.
My weekends: each weekend comprises locking myself in my room so I don’t do something “wrong”. I use [...]

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Skipping, again.

Well, we’re skipping again. This could be interesting. Could do with the energy, at least…

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