As assessment for therapy is like a buffet for the therapist: The plates are the client, and they pick and choose what they wish, as they wish. By this I mean that all the plates are areas of your life, so for example today my therapist was talking about the 5 main causes of depression: [...]
Archive for February, 2009
The buffet
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged CBT, counselling, MHW, university on February 25, 2009 | 10 Comments »
Mute
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged citalopram, depression, university on February 24, 2009 | 5 Comments »
>.<
Because no-one knows what’s going on inside me, the fight that’s taking me over. The fight to contain my thoughts, the fight to cope and pretend everything’s okay.
Last night was like so many other nights, I hated it. Walking around Wilkinson’s and Asda with only one thing on my mind, trying not to let the [...]
My latest obsession
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged eating on February 22, 2009 | 2 Comments »
Is burning calories. As little food as possible. To be thin.
Eat fewer calories than you burn, walk as far as you can, as fast as you can then back again. The thought of food makes me sick, it going down my neck and pushing my stomach out further, getting fatter and fatter with every mouthful [...]
Feels like summer
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged summer on February 21, 2009 | 2 Comments »
It feels like summer here: There’s a cool breeze blowing into my hot room, I’m in a skirt and tee shirt and there’s a blue sky. It’s hard to remember that it’s February and freezing outside!
I love summer, it makes me happy. So I’m going to pretend my floor is grass and I’m lying in [...]
The pit of snakes
Posted in Uncategorized on February 20, 2009 | 6 Comments »
I want to cry but I can’t; I’m hungry but I don’t want to eat.
This pit of snakes not only has venom, it also has whips. I can repent my sins whilst being bitten by the others. Every action I make leaves room for a whipping, to be scrutinised by myself and told I made [...]
Nice or a mug?
Posted in Uncategorized on February 18, 2009 | 12 Comments »
So, after spending 4 hours of my day plus another hour travelling to the hospital, I’m wondering whether I’m a mug or too nice. My flatmate went skinny dipping at 4am and gashed his foot open in thr fountain. We went to hospital at 2pm, he was still drunk and didn’t realise how bad it [...]
She’s all I hate and more
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged CBT on February 18, 2009 | 4 Comments »
Okay, so maybe hate is a bit of a strong word. I hate her patronising voice, her pained expression when she’s waiting for an answer to my question, her teeth, her stuttering and slow speech. I’m all for equal opportunities and all, but isn’t this taking the biscuit? I don’t understand why the second [...]
And when she was up, she was up; and when she was down, she was down
Posted in Uncategorized on February 17, 2009 | 4 Comments »
I can perfectly describe my mood an hour ago: skippily technicolour. Now? The idea of leaving the room scares me, it feels impossible.
I knew the goodness couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t last… the productivity of it all was great. But an attack has come from the behind: self hate on one side, tiredness on the other. I [...]
Psychosis, I miss you
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged depression on February 15, 2009 | 6 Comments »
Being ‘well’ changes your life; suddenly you can do more, concentrate better and that cement cloud is no longer attached to your head. But strangely enough, I miss being scared whitless by the voices, the compulsions and the losing contact with reality. I hated it at the time, understandably, but now I think ‘well, at [...]
So, they’re selling the house
Posted in Uncategorized, tagged death on February 10, 2009 | 6 Comments »
And that’s fine, I mean he’s been dead 8 months and they feel ready to move on. But I’m not. I still believe he’s going to walk through the door sometime and all of this will have been a lie.
I’ve just had a long coversation with my mum, she’s been round to his to clean [...]
