The well worn path

I’ve been here before. My feet drag along the path I’ve walked before, not once, not twice but many more times than that. The path to hell, the unpredictable one, the unsafe one; the one that is the same every single bloody time I go down it. I know how it starts, I know how [...]

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I am who I am

I am who I am.
I am the daughter who shouts loudest, laughs loudest, is totally unrestrained and is always jumping around. It doesn’t matter who, why when or what, chez moi I’m always jumping and shouting. This morning I realised I don’t think I’ve ever heard my sister shout or jump around in the house; [...]

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Things that I don’t deserve

I’ve received some lovely things for christmas, or bought in the days following christmas:

Two notebooks from my parents and a purse I bought today

It doesn’t look much on the hanger, but it makes me feel great when I wear it

A necklace I got from my sister. I’m tempted to make it a thing I wear [...]

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100 posts.

I think at this point it has become clear that I write too much, too often, seeing as this blog was only started in september!
For those of you interested in stats:
My most read post is Got tagged, innit from October with 150 hits. This being because some people got a bit click happy about her [...]

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Christmas just slammed it’s festive door in my face.

I’m feeling pretty empty and lonely, which funnily enough, is not what christmas is about. All day I’ve been at my aunt’s sitting and sleeping and occasionally nibbling but that’s it; I’m too old to be excited about what will be under the book case next to the cat’s scratch post waiting for me but [...]

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Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat…

And so will I. I’m dreading it. 2 days of force feeding, of having to eat all this food; I feel sick at the thought of it. I can’t say that I don’t think I’ll ge tthrough it, because I know I will, but thinking about it I’m squirming in my seat clenching my teeth [...]

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You’re dead; I just don’t know it yet. How much longer will this go on for? How many more times will I have the shock realisation that you are dead and that on wednesdays we don’t visit you any more? That when I drive past your house, no-one’s in… because you don’t live there any [...]

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Looks like we made it!

Wow, 12 weeks have flown by, clichéd but true. I don’t know where to begin; so much has happened but I guess it comes down to the fact that I’m still alive, although on August 25th I was exceptionally certain I wouldn’t make it through, through that night but when that failed, that week, then [...]

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Welcome to the world of calorie-counting low-fat eating.

Please take your seats and your washing up water like “yogurt” will be served to you soon. Lunch will be 1 sandwich and an apple and desert is a kiwi. Thank you for eating at Kate’s house.
I really, really need to go food shopping. I can’t stand all this low fat business, I was proper [...]

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Alone, but not alone

In a crowd you can still feel lonely.
I’m alone; with no-one to speak to. How long, just how long until I can speak to someone? The “wait until after christmas and you’re back in Brum line is growing old”.
Can I not scream? Can I not shout? No, I can’t. Because no-one knows.

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